Cutting the rope

We got to the crux of the film Touching the Void last night. Joe was hanging on the end of the rope with a broken leg and no way to communicate with Simon who was gradually being pulled down the mountainside.  Eventually Simon would have been flipped over the cliff and down a 300 foot drop to his death. So he cut the rope, and Joe fell instead. (not as it happens to his death but into a huge cravass).
The question we pondered was : would I have cut the rope? cut the ties that bind us, in trust and friendship, would we have looked after ourselves, or been pulled down the mountain? My indecision / false optimism would probably have killed me. Others felt that in Simon's shoes at the age of 21 they might well have cut the rope. Reflectiving afterwards in the book Simon said that 'it was a split second decision - it simply felt the right thing to do' I wonder - do we follow our intuition on similiar things, despite what the consequences might be?
I'm struggling at the moment with a difficult decision, do I follow my instincts? do I prevaricate - or do I cut the rope ? Is there a sense that sometimes cutting free of ties can be, not selfish, but rather the best thing to do to look after oneself, in order to continue to look after others?
The other major thing that struck right into my heart last night was the total sense of despair and lonliness that Joe felt in the crevass. I have watched that part of the film 4 times now and it gets harder each time I see it.
The lostness (is there such a word?) the complete hopelessness came over to me in waves from the film, and reminds me of desperate times in the pit of depression about 15 years ago. I remember feeling that even God had cut the rope on me, my faith , previously a lifeline, disappeared from view.
Thankfully for me, light, healing and strength dawned gradually through a combination of counselling, medication, prayers and exercise, and I hope that I can continue to look after myself, and never go there again.

I would want to end this post with a prayer and a plea. The prayer  is to hold those who are in the depths of despair in the light of God's love, that they may have good friends to lessen the loneliness and help them climb up towards the light, and that they might get the help they need.
The  plea is this, if you know someone who is in this situation, don't give up on them, because sometimes it can take a long while to find the path through the despair, and there are organisations like MIND who can help, but friends who believe in you are worth their weight in gold.

Cost of discipleship

We have at Abbots Churches Together a bi-annual series of Lent lectures, and this year the theme is the Cost of Discipleship, with a different speaker from each of the four denominations in the village each week. We had a really thought provocking lecture last week on denying oneself and taking up the cross, looking at martyrs through the ages and what we need to take up to follow Christ.
This week was very different. Father Jim ( an elderly RC priest from Chorleywood) gave us the benefit of his wisdom. It was if a lifetime's discernment and spirituality had been distilled into 45 minutes, and interspersed with a storyteller's humour and wonderful turns of phrases. He spoke at some cost to himself - as it was quite obvious he was ill and struggling to talk at times. Fr Jim talked about prayer in such an approachable way, about 'being' in God's presence, and how the generosity of the love of God enables us invite God in as a guest. He talked of 'unzipping' the glory which is within each one of us, veiled in flesh, the godhead within each one of us, and especially present in those at the fringes and at the margins of society.
Being for Fr Jim definatley came before doing, he said that we need both Martha and Mary, but for him the essence of prayer is not what we do, but who we are, as we have each been spoken in to being by God, and each of us is an individual, an orginal masterpiece made by God!
He suggested that as prayer we should sit and listen to our name being called by God, God who is hoplessly in love with each one of us. It was a truly touching talk, and reminded me of the strength that I get from 'being' in the presence of God, and the importance of making time for this. Whether that is alone in the peace and quiet of a church, or with others as in the Contemplative Fire gatherings, which I personally find, let me 'be' in all my body mind and spirit in God's love.
We have another Contemplative Fire gathering this Sunday evening at St Mary's church Wendover, for more information see the Contemplative fire web site
Thank you Father Jim, prayers for your health and recovery.

Descents and Ascents - week 1

Exploring the Void - Descents and Ascents.
The Lent course is now well under way, and I promised I would post the 'Descents' section for people to ponder before Thursday, so here goes.
The first session was about companions for our journey, what has helped and hindered our spiritual journey and what we might need to leave behind in order to travel light. This for me, ties in with yesterday's reading where Jesus said Take up your cross and follow me'. What I wonder do we need to put down, in order that we might take up our cross?
Are we needing to put down old hurts, too much busy-ness or low self esteem in order that we might take up the work that God requires us to do?

There is an element of risk - a step into the unknown like the climbers made . Following Jesus is NOT playing it safe! indeed the book quotes from The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe to make this point, when the children met Mr & Mrs Beaver in the land of Narnia and they tell them about Aslan:
'Aslan is a lion - the Lion, the great Lion' 'Ooh! ' said Susan 'I'd thought he was a man. Is he-quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion'
'That you will dearie, and no mistake' said Mrs Beaver 'If there is anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they're either braver than most  or else just silly.'
'Then he isn't safe/ ' said Lucy.
'Safe?' said Mr Beaver 'Don't you hear what Mrs beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? Course he isn't safe, but he's good!'

For each of us the challenge when following Jesus will be different - it may not feel safe - but it will be good!
I hope God's love for us will be wild and freeing as we journey together during this time of Lent.

This week on Thursday we will be looking at plateaux and summits, the level paths and the mountain top experiences of our journeys. Do hope to see you there, either at Croxley in the morning or Berry Lane in the evening - meanwhile you might like to recall the mountain top experiences both of Jesus and of others in the Hebrew scriptures.

Happy travelling!